You put your pants on both legs at the same time. You eat pizza crust first. You still have a landline. You don't care how many Snapmatic posts it takes to prove that you don't care what anyone thinks. So, when you take a video of your unpedicured feet hopping out of your SUV into the waters of Raton Canyon, there's only one SUV in the frame: introducing the Castigator, the only SUV in the world to be…